It's not enough for Pau Gasol to spend all his time on national television looking like the intersection between an underfed bridge troll and a freshman frisbee player who's considering a major in geology at Wesleyan. He has to neglect, yet again, to shave that heavily "neck-focused" teenage pseudo-beard for what should have been a classy, well groomed Christmas day in the NBA. Come on, you gangly be-brothered Spaniard, buy a damn razor or a mirror or whatever you need to fix that situation, it's Christmas. Also, close your mouth once, just for a few moments. Honestly, I don't want to see your uvula ten times a game.
On the other hand, K.G. and Kobe played tonight. Nuff said. Moving on to less important things.
The Lakers beat the Celtics and ended their 19 game winning streak.
Do you want to know why this happened?
Well, drawing upon my nearly infinite knowledge of basketball, powerful spiritual awareness, and connection with Lakota indian mysticism, I can tell you that the Lakers won this game because they played passionate unselfish basketball. I'm sure Phil Jackson was proud. But like those great Bulls teams he coached in the 90's, these Lakers have so much talent that unselfishness is rewarded in dramatic fashion.
Let's not get this wrong, Kobe won this game for the Lakers, he played brilliantly (notably not as brilliantly as he can, but still brilliantly). But at the end, when it mattered, Kobe Bryant drew the double coverage and got Mr. Bridge Troll involved...and our man converted. It was amazing. The Lakers made putting the game out of reach look easy and they did it against the best defense in the league and one of the best defenses ever.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that this Lakers team is as deep on offense as a Jenko Jeans pocket, but instead of holding countless crumpled-up 8th grade boy-drawings of pistols and band logos, and some county-fair-purchased candy cigarettes, it holds: Andrew Bynum, Sasha Vujacic, Ariza, Luke "Your dad is a clown" Walton, and Lamar Odom.
Damn. DAMN! The Celtics have Powe...and ah, and uhm, Eddie House, and...Tony Allen off the bench. I guess technically Luke "Your dad is a clown" Walton is starting now, but that's just cause they don't have a clue what to do with their two squads of starting line-up players.
Anyway, what a horrible game. Fuck L.A., GO CELTICS! and Paul: please shave your pseudo-beard! You're opening me up for a retaliation post.
Check y'all later, Merry Christmas, Happy sixth night of Hanukkah.
D.L. Hughley Butler
1 comment:
Don't forget that Cassel still wears a uniform (or at least the tracksuit over-uniform) when yelling at people in the huddle. He's really key.
Now what's the code for sarcasm in html...
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